10 Things Mothering a Son has Taught Me

Sons are very different from daughters.  Sometimes it’s a good thing and sometimes it’s a bad thing, but for some reason it seems to always take me by surprise.  Here are a few things I’ve learned from my son (who is three).

1. In the first four months of your son’s life, the chance of getting peed on while changing a diaper is 99%.  The other one percent accounts for bad aim and/or quick reflexes, should you actually be getting some sleep.

2. That whole “We must learn to walk before we can run” saying is a bunch of bologna.  If you put your mind to it, you can also climb before you walk, and jump before you learn how to land on your feet.

3. There’s nothing wrong with going out in public with no underwear.

4. If something is cool, you must yell the name of it in the biggest, deepest voice you can muster.

5. It is possible to get a booger stuck between your teeth.  Also, a nerd candy can live in your ear canal for several months.  And, YES IT IS fun to stick raisins, beans, and other small objects up your nose.

6. When you walk around all day with a S$%&-Eating Grin on your face, it makes perfect sense to also wear it when you sleep.

7. The phrases, “You’re The Bestest Mommy EVER!” and “I love you” win tons of brownie points. Which is good, because as a boy, you tend to blow through brownie points really fast.

8. Perpetual motion is an effective sleep-avoidance tactic, specially if you also have a mattress from the labor day mattress sales.

9. Anything worth doing is . . . probably dangerous

And, finally:

10. Anything that involves burping or farting is funny. Period. No exceptions.

I can only imagine what knowledge I will gain over the next 15 years.  What have your sons taught you?

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