Instead of the Dishes » Guest Blogger, Mommyhood » Motherhood: A Day in the Life #6 – Julie

Motherhood: A Day in the Life #6 – Julie

March 30th, 2013 | Add a Comment

T minus months to parental retirement

My alarm starts going off at 6:20AM. I really should get up then. If I did, my morning would be less hectic. But I never do.

I don’t have parenting duties in the morning like I used to have. My son is capable of getting up and getting out of the house on his own. Still, I usually make sure he’s out of bed by 7:05. Sometimes he’s glad because he’s fallen back asleep. Sometimes he’s irritated because he’s getting up to a second alarm at 7:08 and I interrupted those last few precious minutes.

Lately, I’ve been making his lunch. He doesn’t need me to do it, but he thanks me, and with just months left before he leaves for college, I take a great deal of joy in this simple act: bologna sandwich, fruit, bag of chips, a cookie… His lunch hasn’t changed much since I used to pack it for him in grade school and it’s a connection to his day that I’ve missed.

The students I work with are just slightly older than my son. In the fall, I teach a class to freshmen. This fall, in a classroom somewhere, someone will be talking to my son about study skills and campus resources. That seems really weird to me. The students I work with and teach have not aged since I started at MSU in 1996, but my son has gone from babyhood to adulthood in that time – he’s caught up with them.

At some point during the day, I will probably get a text from my son. These days, it’s usually something simple like “is there a clean work shirt somewhere?” but sometimes it’s a crisis of time management proportions. My son has a lot to balance. He works two jobs. He is playing tennis. He’s a main character in the spring play. He’s taking trigonometry. He has a girlfriend. He is the Assemblies Commissioner for his high school. He’s the president of a political debate club and an officer in FBLA. He likes to play video games. He has friends – lots of friends. He’s applying for scholarships – lots of scholarships. There are days when all this works nicely together, and all is well with the world. But sometimes it all hits at once and he can’t see how he can do everything he needs to do, and he needs help thinking through the options. Sometimes we fight on these days. I find that I get less upset over these fights than I used to. I’ve hit a Zen stage over the last few weeks, and I can see that he is just dealing with stress, not really yelling at me. I can pull back a little and watch him evaluate options. He is dealing with adult problems, and sometimes there really is no good answer. I have to watch him come up with an unsatisfactory, but workable, plan.

This is a special night – his homework is done and he does not have to be anywhere. I come home to cook for us and for his girlfriend. She’s pretty awesome and they seem to be good for each other. She’s been here with him for a while before I get home. That used to freak me out, and he used to have to ask permission for her to come over, but it really doesn’t bother me anymore, and he has stopped asking.

After dinner, I spend time on the internet. My son shares funny or interesting things with me, and that’s how I discovered Imgur, which now eats up some of my life. It gives me some cultural touch points that I need to communicate with our students. I should spend time cleaning house, and sometimes I do, but I’m a lousy housekeeper, and so sometimes I don’t. Tonight I remember to wash his work shirts, but the kitchen stays a mess.

Later, my son tells me about his day. He’s had a good day, and he’s looking forward to the upcoming weekend. It’s a short conversation, but very enjoyable. I am more aware of these moments lately. I know that these face to face chats at the end of the day don’t happen that often now, and will be gone forever next year. When I’m feeling sentimental, I think about the bedtime routine of his younger years, and I miss that. I loved those nights snuggled up with my son fresh from his bath (even the year that I read The Little Engine and the Big Race every single night), but I do love my time with him as he is now, all 6 feet 2 inches of him towering over me to give me a goodnight hug.

I spend an inordinate amount of time wondering about next year. Andy applied to 9 universities. He has been accepted to 5 of them so far. He is still waiting to hear from the top 4. {Editors Note: Between when Julie wrote this piece and now, when I am publishing it, Andy found out that he has been accepted with a full scholarship to YALE!!} No matter where he goes, my life as a parent will change dramatically. I teach freshmen every year – I know what’s coming. And yet I don’t know, because I’ve never been on the parent side, and I haven’t made choices about my daily life without considering someone else’s basic needs since 1995. What is that going to be like?

I always plan to be in bed by 10, but that often doesn’t happen. I generally can’t sleep until he’s home from work or from being out. I have at least reached the point of being able to go to bed on weekends if his girlfriend is still here, or if he is away at a friend’s house. On such occasions, our cat still looks at his room door as if she doesn’t quite approve before she follows me into my room for the night.

Tonight he goes to bed a long time before me while I am writing this blog entry. I will be tired tomorrow at 6:20AM.

Julie spends most of her time with people aged 18-22 and sometimes forgets how old she is. She loves the internet and maintains several Facebook pages, a couple of Twitter accounts, and is getting started with InstaGram. She also occasionally writes on her blog http://connecteddistractions.wordpress.com/ and has started 3 novels. She will need more friends to hang out with next year when her only son heads off to college. Follow her @JulieAH1983